Today

Today I got home at 8 in the morning and had to come in through the garage because the front door was locked. The house was quiet and I was feeling serpentine and languid. I wrote a little then stretched out across my bad and slept until the afternoon. Didn't get much sleep last night. 6am was the second time. I eventually woke up and showered off the smell of a man (which made me somewhat sad). Had to eat. I don't care for eating these days. I know I have to do it or my metabolism will short-circuit but it's really such a pain. I even like feeling hungry. I feel sharper when I'm hungry. I feel driven. I feel like weight is melting off and taking with it so many bad memories. Of course, if I don't eat I'll stop losing weight so I dutifully put something into my body a couple of times a day. Does wine count as a fruit???

I spent the entire afternoon sitting in the park with the mountains as my backdrop and read a novel. Eventually, I got cold (but I didn't get rained on - just a spit or two here and there from the giant black raincloud) and stiff from sitting on the ground and then the light left me and I had to leave and head back home. I spend so much time inside the house or inside the gym or inside the somewhere that it was like a mini-vacation to just sit on the ground and put my bare feet into the grass, brushing off random little ants from my toes and moving away from the occasional spider because I'm terrified of them but I didn't think it was fair for me to kill them when I was in their house and they were not in mine. I sat next to Cecilia and it was oddly like having my dog with me. She was silent and offered endless comfort. What is my deal with this car????

My dog is curled up into a little fluff ball right next to me at the moment. She's sound asleep. She's a bed hog. I don't understand how a twelve pound dog can hog a queen sized bed but she does it. She'll lay on top of the covers so I feel all wrapped up like a mummy (which I HATE and is one of the reasons I like to sleep naked - I can't STAND having clothing/sheets/blankets twist around me).

Oh, and I left out a detail about last night. This is so dumb too. I haven't slept with anyone since Mark and this morning I woke up gasping - just sat straight up in the bed with a scream in my throat - and I woke him up. For a few minutes I was so freaked out - it wasn't that I was in bed with him, it's that for just a minute I thought I was in bed with Mark.

It scared me.