Oh My God

I am blissfully happy right this very moment. I was two hours late for our date and he was hungry and crabby when I got there. But he poured me Svedka and we debated dinner options until finally he just demanded food so we went out. Dinner was good, I think. I don't remember clearly because I was entirely focused on him. I told Jessica I was going out with him again and she said she remembered him being a complete asshole to me and that's why we broke up and she didn't want to see me hurt again. I told him what she said and he surprisingly completely agreed with her. I have absolutely no memory of why we broke up but he remembers. I'm pretty sure he's grateful I don't. He said I wanted more than he wanted at the time and he definitely remembers being a dick to me. So I'm not sure why he cyberstalked me or why he finally contacted me but he did. He's claiming mid-life crisis. I don't believe him.

He loved the little green sundress (which you can apparently see through because he also loved the thong he hadn't seen yet - I actually blushed). We snuggled and kissed and talked and laughed and I eventually ended up on his lap. He said he has no idea what the fuck he's doing but he definitely doesn't want to hurt me again. I said I didn't realize he was aware he hurt me the first time. He said he wasn't completely stupid. And he said he was sorry. And I climbed back onto his lap again. Kissed him. I said I don't know what the fuck I'm doing either and that was the best answer I'd heard in a long time - no lie there. No false promises. No bullshit. I don't know. Perfect answer. Perfect.

I really liked his hand up my skirt, on my thigh, for a solid hour or so while we pretended to watch a movie. I washed my hands at one point and his soap came all over me and he toweled off my dress and asked if I wanted a t-shirt and I just threw my arms around him and kissed his neck. I climbed in on his side of the bed and was sternly ordered to scoot but moments later there were no sides in that bed. My new dress was on the floor. Hello again, L. And the things I didn't remember were a huge, happy surprise all over again. I woke up at 5am and climbed on top of him and didn't ever want to stop. He kept the shower running for me and found me minty toothpaste because I didn't like the other kind and in the garage he hugged me for a very long time and told me how to find Starbucks because he had to leave for work. He's coming here for family movie night as soon as we have one (which, if I have anything to say about it will be TONIGHT). And I have absolutely no desire to see anyone else. Going to cancel the date with Coach I had planned for tonight. I will sit at home and wait. Happily.

I told him I wasn't going to like him less. Just because it was seven years later didn't mean I wasn't going to still want more from him. We're eventually going to face the same problem we had before. He just put his hands in my hair and pulled me closer. And then....well, then I forgot about everything else in the world but him.

He's beautiful. I want to keep him. And I am simply incapable of not smiling. Christ, L. Again. You're doing it again.

Do it again. Just this time, don't be a chicken. This time, stay.