To Him

This is entirely to you - and I know you're reading it.

I have always loved you. I have loved you since I was a little girl and had no idea what love was. I have loved you since our first kiss. I have loved you since I discovered I had tits and showed you and you agreed that they were amazing. I have loved you every moment we have ever spent together just talking. I gave you my virginity and I insisted that you give me yours. And you did. With very little fight. I love that we discovered everything about sexuality together. I love that you have known me since I was just a little girl, right into puberty, right into jesus christ, I have tits and hormones. I love that every thing I ever wanted to know about a boy's body I could learn from you. You let me touch and look and kiss and explore. I let you do the same. I love that you were my first and I was yours. I love you, ___. I love you even now. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I even love you this day. I love that you had to call me so we could argue a point. I love...God, I just love you and I will never understand why you didn't marry me. I love you. How could you have never understood that? How could you have chosen someone else??? What did I do wrong? How did I fail??

I love you so much I wish I was with you tonight. Just with you. Just near you. Just to hear your voice. Even if she was there. If I could just be there too.