Mmmmmm

Last night I caved. I went out. I wasn't going to. I was just going to sit at Paula's house and then go home like a good little girl. But I didn't. I may have just been a fool but it was fun while it lasted. He's a high school football coach and during the summer he teaches disabled children. What the fuck was I supposed to do??? Are you fucking kidding me? Disabled children???? Done. That's it. I give up. Yes, I will go out with you. Yes, I will kiss you. Go home with you? Alright. Sit on your sofa and talk? Done. What's that? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes!

And my favorite line of the entire evening: I'm going to fuck you and then I have to go to church. (circa 6am)

Not even kidding.

I laughed and laughed and then I let him fuck me. Jesus, if you're out there - yeah, I did it. And he's at church with his sister right now. Two hours ago....he was in my church, praising me. I don't regret it. Not one minute of it. If I never talk to him again I will be disappointed but it was a wonderful night. One of those nights I haven't had for a very long time. And guess who I don't miss at all???

That's right. FUCK you, Mark. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

I feel pretty today. I feel happy. I'm almost afraid to call him later like he asked me to because if he doesn't answer....well, if he doesn't I don't really care. I'd like to see him again but I really am okay with it being what it was. I don't feel used or cheap. I made a choice and it was a good one. Christ, it was a GOOD one.

He's at church. Haha. So incredibly ironic for me.