I kept my promise to myself. I did not get sad last night! Progress!! Instead, I watched two movies - both romantic comedies - and wanted to chuck the remote at the TV. Stupid! It never works out that way. Nothing is ever that simple. Oh, they try to make it like they're going through rough spots and the road to love is bumpy but in the end everyone gets the one they love - or someone even better - and all is well.
So what happens in two years when they can't stand the sight of each other? When they do things to hurt the other one on a daily basis? When he stops telling her she's beautiful and she believes him? What happens then?
Cue music - new movie: drama. Well, in my case, slasher.
I stayed awake until my body gave out. Couldn't face going to bed. Then I woke up at 7 and thought I'd slept the entire day away - I was that tired. Sleep is so elusive. I hate it. It's the one time that everything shuts down, shuts off, and unless I have some crazy dream, all is nothing for a little while. I don't feel anything. It's amazing. I'd kinda like to sleep for a couple of years and wake up different, new, refreshed. I think I'm depressed. OY! Maybe I should call my therapist and get her to counsel me for free over the phone. She loved me. She would do it. She's cancelled whole group sessions and had someone else run them just so she could spend the hour talking me through something. Actually, that's sad. Probably means they saw me as a risk. I'm not calling her.
I hate being this sappy, wounded, emotional little bitch. I gotta learn to fake it better.
My pants are way too big. All of my pants are too big. I should be happier about this but I feel like I'm walking around in the world in clown pants. It's not a good place to be.
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