A New Day

Obviously, I was feeling a bit of self-doubt and melancholy last night. But, I get that way. Just another one of those things I love and hate about me. I love that I feel things so intensely but I hate that I can get sad so easily....but today is a new day.

I flirted with a cable guy, got made fun of by a 12 year old for doing it, realized her wisdom was beyond her years....jesus, a cable guy. I mean, I want to have sex but I'd rather not do it with a random stranger for whom I will probably have no respect. Ouch. I'm feeling vicious today! Saw pictures of me from 1988 on a backpacking trip through Europe. Was called a name I haven't been called in years and it instantly chucked me back into Europe, NYC, Philly, Connecticut (yeah, I know, Connecticut? but that's where Sarah lived). I was so young and so hopeful and so very, very STUPID! I'd like to think I've learned from those times and grown as a woman. All it really made me want to do was grab a backpack and go trekking across Europe again. But the benefit of being older now is that I don't have to backpack....I can stay in luxury hotels and follow the production crew around while doing really nothing. I can't believe this is my life.

Well, taking this new day by the balls, I'm heading out with a couple of girlfriends to have a few cocktails, sing karaoke, and laugh like I don't have a care in the world. And I really don't. I freed myself from an abusive relationship. I packed up and moved to another state. I jumped into a new job I know nothing about with people who are taking me very seriously. I was elated to spend time with a few old friends who seemed genuinely happy to see me (Chris, Katie, Paula). Of course, true to form, I've gone psycho on them already...Katie knows what to do and just laughed at me and asked me out for happy hour. Paula lets me come to her. Chris can't talk to me. See what I do? What I leave in my wake? I'm a fucking hurricane!! Then I can never understand why no one can keep up with the fact that I'm so mercurial. It makes me fun if you can hang on long enough....at least I think so. If you can't handle me then....well, why the fuck not? At least you will always know exactly what I'm thinking and where I'm coming from and exactly what I think of you. That would only be bad if you were scared of something. I'm done being scared. I cried it out and felt sorry for myself last night and today I got up and started in on France with a vengeance. Fuck complacency.

So it's the end of a new day but tomorrow is another new day. And I get even more after that. And some of those new days will find me waking up in new places. I can't wait for that part of my adventure to really begin....