Paula

It is ridiculously beautiful outside after yesterday's torrential downpour (which I missed because I was up north at Paula's house). I am down 15lbs today! I think I should celebrate....of course, all I want to do is eat tiramisu until I puke but I won't. Instead I ate scrambled eggs with mushroom salsa and a piece of that straight from hell grainy, low-carb flat bread. And vitamins.

Oh, and coffee, of course.

I actually slept like a baby last night. I have no idea why. Did some tossing and turning this morning but overall had a very good night sleep without the aid of a cocktail or seven, melatonin, or a sleeping pill. Now all I want to do today is get out!!! I want to go drive around aimlessly and get familiar with the city all over again. I wonder if Katie is home yet.....she promised me a happy hour and since she writes reviews for the Westword they pick up the tab. It's pretty nice. All we have to do is eat appetizers, drink cocktails, take some pictures, and talk. Maybe I should write reviews for the Westword....

I've taken a break from the man scene for the past couple of days. I just couldn't do it. Fucking idiots, all. Paula met someone nice though! I wish I could give you a snippet of sitting up on her bed while she tossed item after item of clothing out of her closet yelling from the depths "I have no clothes!!!!". Trust me, she has clothes. They were everywhere!! :) OMG then the Spanx. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Best show ever watching Paula pull on her Spanx. Then she had to change her bra to the one that didn't make noise. And the talk about waxing....holy shit. I almost peed my pants. She had to wear long jeans because she hadn't shaved her legs. Said her hoo ha was a jungle. Jesus. Tears. Tears to my eyes. Then she put on mama's new pair of shoes - platform, four inch, peep toed, red suede, sling-back pumps. She made me go down the stairs first in case she fell so I could catch her. It would have been a heap of heels and flip flops tattooed ankles and feet, with her ass in the air and me crushed underneath. Worth a picture!

I love Paula.

The end result was that she looked fabulous in her jeans and her tight top and her fuck me pumps. No one could tell that underneath the lipstick and perfume was a hairy bitch wearing a pair of Spanx. She texted me halfway through her date and said it was going well. She got home late and with a smile on her face so maybe there will be pedicures in my future before her next date.....I really need a pedicure. I really need a good date.