Out of Order

So my little sister just had a baby. Prior to that my niece had a baby. My niece!!! And now I've just discovered that my nephew has proposed to his girlfriend and she has said yes. Let's tally - two babies and a wedding and I can't find a date. WTF? Well, I can find a date but I don't care for any of them. Except that one guy. I liked him. But he was way too short. I couldn't do it. I know I'm a hypocrite because I'm short as hell but that's why I like taller men. Something about it makes me feel all safe and squishy. I don't like eye-to-eye with a guy. I like to look up a little....using my eyes is enough but if I gotta tilt back my whole head? Shit. Plus I like being pulled in for a hug and having my face nestle right into his chest. It's comfortable. There is too tall. I mean, that guy I dated in Philly (the chemist) was 6'8". It was ridiculous. How do you walk around in the world being that tall?

Anyway, all I'm saying is that these things are happening out of order and I'm a wee bit pissed aobut it. Rachel is getting engaged before me (I hear that's coming soon - now that fucking Brit is going to be my brother-in-law praise Jesus)? Jessica having a baby and getting married before me? ETHAN getting married??? What the hell is going ON? What have I been doing with myself? Oh, that's right. I moved OUT of the small, hick town and tried to have a life before I got married. Now, it looks like marriage is out. But I'm not so sure I want to get married anyway. And the truth is, even if my childhood sweetheart had asked me I'm pretty sure I would have said no. I loved him, don't get me wrong. I'll always love him. He's....well, he's him. But I had things I wanted to do. Places I wanted to go. So I probably would have asked him to wait for me or flat out refused. He wouldn't have waited, I would have cheated, so all in all it's worked out for the best. When I'm in a relationship I am faithful. I never cheated on any boyfriend and went almost six years devoted to Mark (who did not deserve that). I'm usually single though and then I have no ties to anyone and I can do what I like. Which I do. Once upon a time I did it frequently. I just have to get back into my - God, I don't want to say groove....be all Stella and shit - rhythm.

My whole life has been out-of-order so why should this be any different? Christ, I wish I could remember the Yiddish for that....used to say it damn near daily....manish tana.....FUCK. Now I have to look it up. But the translation is: why should this day be any different from any other day? Well, shit. It's one of the four questions from Passover....Why is this night different from all other nights.... Now I can't remember the phrase I want. I used to be such a good Jewish girl. MomMom would die. "What, are you trying to kill your poor old MomMom? Oy, Sarah. You little meshugah with your shana punam. We need to find you a nice Jewish boy." Maybe I should be on Jewdate.com. I can still convert.