Jaded

I realized last night that I can no longer believe a word a man says. Nothing bad happened. Everything was great. I just listened to him talk and thought, Christ, someone has the perfect game for me. If there was a guidebook for what to say to a woman, everything he said would have been next to my picture. And then to be told he wasn't going to make a move on me just to prove it. Then he didn't. So I know he's a fucking liar and he's full of shit.

Or maybe he's not and I'm just too jaded to know the difference. Every man I see looks like a host for something potentially evil and horrific. I don't look to see what good is in him, so much as I look for the bad, for the early warning signs, for the monster beneath the surface. I see men as a threat and the one thing from which I want comfort the most desperately. But how can I crawl in bed with another monster? Isn't it only a matter of time? How do I make sure I'm not being lied to? I'm completely freaked out right now.

I can't possibly have met a nice guy who thinks I'm smart and funny and cute. I cannot possibly have met someone who seriously enjoys talking with me, debating politics, discussing the new world order just past the horizon. He sang Hotel California, was able to reference Paul Simon, understood quantum physics, watched a show on the History Channel that HE chose and didn't tell me to turn it off..... Obviously, there has to be something wrong with him (besides the fact that he's built so much like my little brother Josh - all muscle and no neck). Well, he's short and I like tall. He believes in some sort of God so that's a problem. Give me time, I'll find more. He said I was building walls when I should be building bridges and I laughed so hard I snorted. That's a good one - I hadn't heard that one yet. He kept telling me he was serious but I don't know how long it will take for me to believe that.

In fact, I probably shouldn't see him again. Too risky. Yeah. I won't see him again. Of course, it probably really was all bullshit and I'll never see him again anyway. Fuck. I'm a skosh bitter. Whattdya know?