Brits who Love Jesus

I hate my sister's boyfriend. He's SOOOO annoying. I should have never added him to facebook and now I have to hear him loving Jesus and being British on a daily basis. And he always wants to chat with me. What are we going to chat about??? I'm an atheist. I don't want to hear about him banging my little sister (or not banging because Jesus wouldn't do that). I don't care what lame Brit TV show he's watching or how many times of day he has a spot of tea. His name is Jono for God's sake and it's short for...,.I kid you not....Jonathan. Perhaps I'm just being a bitch because I'm sick of the "Yaweh, Yaweh" shit (and who SAYS that???). Maybe I'm just jealous that my sister, who's bad relationship history rivals mine (she fell in love with a married man who had a small penis - talk about lose/lose), has finally found someone to love who loves her. Or I could just be feeling snarky in general and have nothing good to say about anyone.

He also can't spell. Drives me crazy. How are you a grown man and you can't spell!? I would be mortified. I once worried an entire weekend that I misspelled collectibles in an email (it can be spelled two ways: collectibles or collectables - yeah, I looked it up) and made myself look like an ass to someone as hung up on grammar and spelling as I am. It still bothers me a little because I don't know if she's aware it can be spelled two ways or if she still thinks I'm an idiot.

So tonight I've been invited out by some Caribbean boy who is a teacher and seems quite nice....but my first bad relationship was with a Caribbean boy who needed a teacher and seemed quite nice. So I'm thinking no. But I'm also being IM seduced by some jackass who swears once I see his penis - his magical, miraculous dick - that I'll lose my shit. No, I'm not going to fuck you. I told you I wasn't going to fuck you. You can stop IMing me anytime. I'd block him but his level of depseration and mock confidence is actually amusing. "hey, sexy. I love to shower my woman. I'm so horny." WTF? No! Michelle and I were just talking about this yesterday (and btw - she is not happy about me making a new friend who happens to be female and happens to be black - she's says I'm replacing her.....you can never be replaced, Michelle! No one has tits like you do....have you considered porn?? I mean, really, those things are huge....I thought mine were big but holy hell). Plus Michelle has seen me through many of my darkest hours and always with a big smile, dimples, and a hug. Okay, sometimes a bowl and a beer but whatever. Details. Anyway, I digress.....we were talking about men and how essentially they're all the same and they just want to fuck you. Doesn't really matter what you look like or if they even like you or not - they just want to have sex. Sometimes that's okay - I mean, sometimes that's all you need. I need more than that. I don't have any respect for a person who doesn't care to get to know you or care about you but still wants to put his dick in your vagina....or your mouth.,.. And Jesus CHRIST don't call me baby or sweetie or angel. I'm none of those things to you and I'd prefer if you didn't violate me in that manner. It feels weird. Stop it.

So here I sit, coffee in hand, screaming at the dogs who refuse to stop barking, blogging yet again about my boring existence and wondering if I'm ever going to figure it out.